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Home > Jokes > Woman Jokes > What My Mother Taught Me.

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Rated: 10.00/10 | Votes: 2 | Views: 634 |Submitted: 02/14/2004


My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just

finished cleaning!"



My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that

will come out of the carpet."My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"



My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."



My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear

clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."



My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll

*give* you something to cry about."



My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"



My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -"Will you

*look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"



My mother taught me about STAMINA -

"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."



My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a

tornado swept through your room."



My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you;

would you listen then?"



My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you

once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"



My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -"I brought you

into this world, and I can take you out."



My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -

"Stop acting like your father!"



My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions

of less fortunate children in this world who don't

have wonderful parents like you do!"





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